Lists

Lists

Noel Laflin

6-1-19

Two nicely dressed middle-aged male Jehovah Witnesses interrupted the cleaning of my coffee pot this morning.

I should always check the peep hole before opening the door, I guess. But too late, there they were, on my porch. Whatever happened to the old fashioned dressed matrons with a child?

Alright, I was very polite but cut them off pretty quickly after their introduction. In fact, I even did them – and my neighbor - a favor when warning them off about pressing my neighbor’s door bell, telling them that my neighbor has a pet direwolf, and if they would take note, no screen door. It was a lie, of course, but did the trick. They did ask me, before departing, if he was even more ‘hard core’ in attitude than I. Hardcore, I thought. Well, hell, I did not even curse while talking to them. Nor did I tell them how I really felt about their crazy religion. But, I let it pass.

Now, nice Mormon missionary lads are never that disrespectful. And if truth be known, I do give them more time to give their speech if at least one of them is cute. Heck, if they are both cute, I will even invite them in for a drink. I haven’t seen a nice pair of Mormon lads in some time now though. Guess I am on a ‘do not call upon’ list or something. Can’t imagine why.

But back to the two older men on my porch this morning. It was only later that I belatedly thought of what I should have said. I should have asked them if they knew why all Jehovah Witnesses have inverted nipples. Hoping for perplexity, I fantasized that they would claim ignorance, to which I would then reply: Because people are always jumping out of their doorways, poking them in the chest and angrily shouting, ‘Get off my porch!’

But they have probably already heard that one before.

Should have thought to tell them that old joke anyway. Then maybe I would be added to whatever lists they might keep too.