Things to Avoid

Things to Avoid

Noel Laflin

2-17-18

Things to avoid giving as gifts for the New Year include: sharp objects, pears, clocks, shoes, umbrellas, cut flowers, handkerchiefs, black and white objects, anything with the number four, and mirrors.

Stick to red envelopes filled with crisp new bills instead.

Now I know why the lines were out the door at the banks we passed yesterday. Everyone wants new bills for those envelopes. It wasn't a run on the bank after all.

And, glad I left the mirrors, clocks, and pears at home.

TSA agents had already taken away all of my sharp objects.

Year of the Dog

Year of the Dog

Noel Laflin

2-14-18

Folks are waking up to Valentine's Day back home while we are on the eve of Chinese New Year's Eve here.

There's been non-stop eating and gathering of friends and loved ones. Folks just keep showing up with sweet, warm red bean soup, taro cakes, fresh strawberries, homemade pastries, etc.

Consequently, the kitchen counter and dining room table are a smorgasbord of pure delight.

Lord only knows what tomorrow night will be like when families across this wonderful island gather in mass, bringing forth their very best dishes...

I hope I survive the current food coma in order to prepare myself for the day and night yet to come.

What the heck - I've got twenty-four hours. No, scratch that. I forgot - everyone's meeting up for lunch first.

Universal Language

Universal Language

Noel Laflin

2-17-18

Four of us, ranging in age from 18-65, sat around the dinner table last night teaching one another the finer points of our individual native tongues and languages we either learned or wished we knew better.

Coaquial phrases were fun to explain and often had us searching Google.

But the best part was teaching childhood songs like Row, Row, Row your Boat.

Singing, I find, is the universal language of all.

Musical Trucks

Musical Trucks

Noel Laflin

2-11-18

The garbage trucks play music in Tianan. When folks hear the pretty tune head their way, they rush outside with the trash.

It's fun to watch all the servers in a restaurant, for example, stop what they are doing and deliver the goods curbside.

It's a pretty good system.

And I like the tunes.

Long Meals

Long Meals

Noel Laflin

2-10-18

Every meal here in David’s home town of Tianan lasts, on average, two to three hours.

Friends and relatives keep showing up at all of the famaliar haunts, more dishes are ordered, more coffee or tea is poured, desserts delivered.

Conversations in Mandarin or Taiwanese are lively; occasionally my name is mentioned and I smile and nod amicably.

And although I have no idea of most things being spoken, I feel at home among these friends and family - much like family Christmas gatherings of my youth.

So for me, every meal here is treasured holiday time - in this case, anticipating the Chinese New Year, which begins in a few days.

And I'm likely to come home a bit more portly as well.

Exorcising Relief

Exorcising Relief

Noel Laflin

2-9-18

One of the sweetest jobs of my life, up until one dark, rainy night, was that of being a security guard for a new housing project going up in lonely Chino Hills.

I would arrive on the job site close to five, take beer orders from the building crew, go to a nearby liquor store, retrieve several six packs, and deliver the goods.

The guys let me keep the change and tossed in a free beer or two or three every night.

The job was great as I wore no uniform, got to sit in my car eating homemade sandwiches, swilling beer, and read a lot of books by flashlight once it grew dark.

On the rainy night in question, I was deep into a very creepy scene from my newest read, 'The Exocist,' when someone rapped on my fogged up driver's side window.

Beer, book and flashlight flew as I screamed and failed about in my old '65 Valiant.

Outside stood Juan, my late night replacement, grinning and waving hello.

He just wanted to let me know that relief had arrived.

Juan had no idea just how relieved my bladder was.

Yanni, Yanni, Yanni

Yanni, Yanni, Yanni

Noel Laflin

2-9-18

It was a hot night in Las Vegas and my lucky numbers were even hotter.

As the roulette ball kept finding its way to seven and twenty-six, I stayed put despite - or was it because of - the flamboyant older Greek man who kept extolling the virtues and brilliance of new age artist, Yanni.

"Yanni, Yanni, Yanni!," he crooned, picking up and kissing the garish gold cross dangling from his neck, all the while watching the ball hypnotically circle the wheel. "He is a Greek god!"

The ball dropped on seven.

I gave another silent prayer of thanks.

"Hey," a drunk two seats down chimed in, "and what about that girlfriend of his? That Linda Evans is pretty hot," he slurred.

"Linda Evans!," yelled the Greek. "That bitch is ruining his music!"

"Yanni needs to dump that distraction and find a find a real woman - preferably Greek," he concluded.

"Yanni, Yanni, Yanni!" he sighed as the next spin concluded and the ball found its way to number twenty-six.

I gave a quick fist pump.

Busted, the Greek pushed away from the table muttering Yanni's name three times over.

The ball landed on seven again.

I picked up my winnings and went in search of my good luck charm.

He was easy to find, two tables over, as someone had just mentioned Linda Evans.