Strange Loot - Naked Truth

Strange Loot - Naked Truth

Noel Laflin

11-29-15

When my dad returned from the war in Europe seventy years ago, he brought home some unsavory mementos. 

As a kid I was fascinated with both the German Luger as well as the shiny S.S. dagger in its fancy case. We were only allowed to examine these weapons under his supervision, even though there were no bullets in the handgun. But that very long sharp knife could have done some real damage if mishandled. 

There was a German helmet that he did allow us to manhandle. I can still feel its heavy weight on my young head when we played our neighborhood war games. Losers always had to be the Germans of course. 

There was a chunk of marble that made its way home from Adolf Hitler's fireplace in Berchtesgaden and a chrome-plated hook that held a toilet bowl brush in Herman Goering's private bathroom. It, along with the piece of fireplace marble, was liberated by my father when he and his company were allowed to pillage the village.  All of the really interesting souvenirs had already been looted by other G.I.'s, according to my dad. Everyone had overlooked the toilet bowl brush holder, however. But my inquisitive father spotted it behind the porcelain throne that once bore the weight of a very fat man's ass, and with the aid of an army knife loosened and pocketed the strange keepsake. 

Over the course of seven decades, the gun and dagger were either given away or sold off apparently. This is just as well, I suppose. The chunk of marble and helmet have been mislaid or lost as well. 

All that remains is the chrome-plated toilet bowl brush hook. It was always in my possession as my father had put it on the back of the closet door in my bedroom when I was a kid.  I used to hang my pajamas on it. As I grew old enough to understand such things, he told me of its origin. I went to the library and looked up Hitler's second in command. I shuddered as I read his biography and ultimate demise. 

I removed the hook from the back of the door shortly thereafter and stopped wearing pajamas altogether from that day on.